What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
