He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
