Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
