Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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