You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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