I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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