If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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