i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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