I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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