I wish I could teleport
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
