i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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