i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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