i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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