We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
