So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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