I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
