he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
