i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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