Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
