I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We're too hungover to prance.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
