Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
