i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
