do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
