look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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