Someone shit on the floor
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
