it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
