In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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