so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
