Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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