Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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