i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
