Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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