I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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