On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
