tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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