I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
