I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
