I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
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