I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
