Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i dont even know how to be here
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
