Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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