Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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