Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
There's always time for handjobs
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
