Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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