Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
