you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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