I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
