you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you win again, gameday.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Couch. On fire.
FUCK WHALES
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
