Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
