Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
zippers are such a cool invention
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
