It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
