i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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