I bet he comes in French.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
