You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
