is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
