Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
