Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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