I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
