so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
