apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
