he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
