nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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