I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
