Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
