I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
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