Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
