it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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