that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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