oh god the rape fog is back!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
