Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
