im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
