my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
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Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
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I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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