His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
