yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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