i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
a search helicopter?!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
