is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
love makes seman taste better
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
