How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
