She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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