Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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