I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
