if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
A+ Viking dick
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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