My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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