can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
