): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
