i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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