How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
