It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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