I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
